Local homosexual foils raid...
Local homosexual foils raid: In startling news this afternoon, local homosexual Tom Coates foiled a robbery on his own and his neighbours flat in Maida Vale. Tom Coates, 29, said today, "I was just watching TV in the sitting room when I heard people banging on our front door. I thought nothing of it, as the building's doorbell hadn't been rung and we've had a lot of builders and people dropping off circulars. But when the banging continued for a couple of minutes, I decided to go to the door - only to discover two teenagers with bags and crowbars trying to prise open the door of the flat. After watching them run down the stairs, I proceeded to grab my mobile and jump out onto the balcony so I could call the police and see where they went. Shortly afterwards I discovered that the next-door flat's door-locks had been completely prised open. I'll be talking to the police shortly." More at eleven...
